#diane de simiane

[nordleuchten]

Do you know if Adrienne was mad at Lafayette for his affairs?

Dear @mxtallmadge,

I think that “mad” is the wrong word and that “disappointed” is a better fit. That being said, there is little to no written record left by Adrienne concerning her husband’s affairs (that I do know of). She was very private in that regard, so everything is either circumstantial evidence or speculation.

When we look at La Fayette’s affairs, there is plenty of discourse with whom, why and when he had an affair. In an early version of his memoirs there are some allusions to his affairs so we can be certain that there were some. The passage was removed form the final version of his memoirs. Anyway, there are two women histories are convinced La Fayette had affairs with - Diane de Simiane and Aglaé, comtesse d'Hunolstein. But even with these two, there are people who argue that an affair never took place.

We will come back to these two, particular Diane de Simiane, but we first have to take in the context of the time to understand how Adrienne must have felt about La Fayette’s affairs. Because the thing is, theirs was an arranged marriage in 18th century France and they were part of the nobility. Affairs were not uncommon, in fact, sometimes not having an affair was more uncommon than having one. That is not to say that these circumstances make it easier, if you love your partner the way Adrienne loved La Fayette. But she probably was not surprised, after all her own father, uncles, the King – they all had affairs. Her father even boasted that his mistress had formerly been the mistress of Louis XV.

Second, Adrienne had never to fear that La Fayette would abandon her. She was his wife, mother of his only four children, there were no illegitimate children. He loved her and although he strayed, he always returned. There was never any sign of contempt, of displeasure with her, there was no talk of a divorce or a separation. In fact, La Fayette refused to remarry after Adrienne’s death. Again, this not necessarily made Adrienne feel better, but she had at least never to worry that La Fayette would not return. For him his affairs seem more like adventures and less like true romantic affairs. La Fayette wrote in his Memoirs (Vol. 1):

I shall spare you also the confession of an unedifying youth, and even of the story of two romances dedicated to beauties who were then very celebrated, in which my head had a larger part than my heart. The first, scarcely begun, broke against the obstacles of jealousy with which I collided head-on. The other-in which I wanted at first to triumph less over the object herself than over a rival-I pursued, despite long interruptions, on every possible occasion. Our relationship went from esteem all the way to the contrary sentiment, and was finally terminated by a catastrophe unconnected with me. It is more pleasant for me to speak of the tender and stable affection that I never cease to feel for the woman whom I had the good fortune to marry.

Idzerda Stanley J. et al., editors, Lafayette in the Age of the American Revolution: Selected Letters and Papers, 1776–1790, Volume 1, December 7, 1776–March 30, 1778, Cornell University Press, 1977, pp. 3-6.

La Fayette’s affairs (that we know of) and also the occasional flirts later in life were mostly marked by being short and very passionate (to the point of being childish.)

Adrienne most likely learned to accept and live with it, knowing that her place was still secured and that La Fayette spend more time with her and the children than with his mistresses.

But I promised you to come back to Aglaé and Diane. In Virginies Memoirs of her mother there is a letter published, written by La Fayette to one of his closest friends (and at that point also his in-law), Latour-Mabourg. The letter was written in January 1808, shortly after Adrienne’s death and gives great detail about Adrienne’s last days. There are two little passages that are interesting in the context of the question:

She [Adrienne] said to Mme de Simiane: “I was going to have a malignant fever, but I shall be well attended to, and shall get the better of it.”

And the second one:

“The last day she [Adrienne] told me: “When you see Mme de Simiane, give her my love.” Thus her heart was all life when her poor limbs were already numbed by approaching death.

Mme de Lasteyrie, Life of Madame de Lafayette, L. Techener, London, 1872, pp. 397-432.

We can see from these accounts that Diane was around Adrienne and the La Fayette’s in general during this time and that Adrienne did not seem to mind. Diane was a friend of the family, she was close to Adrienne’s aunt, Madame de Tessé and probably also to one of Adrienne’s sisters. But Diane was not only with the La Fayette’s during Adrienne’s last days, she also spend some considerable time with the (extended) family during their exile in Danish-Holstein. She most likely was a guest at Anatsasie’s wedding. In the Memoirs of Adrienne’s sister Anne de Noailles, Marquise de Montagu, we can read that:

Eine Freundin der Gräfin Tessé, die Marquise von Simiane, entfloh mit einem falschen Paß versehen und auf ihrer Reise von einem alten Jakobiner, einem sogenannten Freunde des Herrn von La Fayette, behütet, aus Frankreich; sie kam gegen Ende des Winters [1797/98] nach Witmold und war nicht wenig überrascht, hier, wo sie die Leutchen ziemich traurig anzutreffen wähnte, bei ihrer Ankunft von nichts Anderem als von Heiratsprojekten [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] und einer Kindstaufe [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] zu hören.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 203.

My translation:

A friend of the Countess Tessé, the Marquise de Simiane, escaped from France with a false passport and protected on her journey by an old Jacobin, a so-called friend of M. de La Fayette; she came to Witmold towards the end of winter [1797/98] and was not a little surprised to hear of nothing but marriage projects [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] and a child's baptism [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] here, where she thought she found the people rather sad.

There is a second paragraph in the same book:

Frau von Montague, ihrer Entbindung nahe, half ihnen [Adrienne’s children], die glorreichen Wunden ihrer Mutter verbinden; dann, wenn diese Pflicht erfüllt war, beschäftigte sie sich mit dem Brautschatz, mit der Haushaltung und dem Gute [Witmold], gehend und summend; “rund wie ein Thurm”, aber unermüdlich. Man konnte nicht umhin, sie zu bewundern und doch über sie zu lachen. Frau von Simiane, die zugegen war, behauptete, sie würde sicherlich in einem jener großen Schränke, die sie in jedem Augenblick aufmachte, niederkommen.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 205.

My translation:

Madame de Montague, near her confinement, helped them bind up their mother's glorious wounds; then, when that duty was done, she occupied herself with the dowry, with the housekeeping, and with the manson, walking and humming; “round as a tower”, but tireless. One could not help admiring her and yet laughing at her. Madame de Simiane, who was present, said she would certainly give birth in one of those large cupboards that she opened at every moment.

You see, La Fayette’s affairs, in the context of their time, his behaviour and the reactions of his friends and family are quite nuanced but I hope I could shine some light in the topic. I hope you have/had a great day!

[marq-de-laf]

Can you tell me about Lafayette's affairs with two women(not at the same time) I think?

Here’s a post about the two side ladies in Lafayette’s life.

Here’s another on the explanation behind Lafayette’s overall love life.

[artschoolglasses]

Portrait of Diane Adelaide de Simiane, French, 1800

[marquisdelaughingette]

Diane-Adélaïde de Damas, Comtesse de Simiane 1761-1835 Gilbert’s mistress and, after their romantic relationship ended, his friend for the remainder of his life. In a situation a bit strange to 21st century eyes where there is no indication of an agreed open marriage between consenting partners, she also became close to Adrienne. After their release from prison, Simiane traveled to meet them in Wittmold, and for a time lived with the Lafayettes.  Adrienne’s real feelings towards her husband’s lover are difficult to decipher - she does not seem to have left any spoken or written word that has come down to us to reproach him for his unfaithfulness, and on the surface of it managed the situation with the attitude expected of a dutiful wife in the 18th century when having a mistress was hardly exceptional in their class and society. But the arranged marriage of the Lafayettes had evolved into an effective partnership, and the two genuinely loved each other. It is hard to believe that she didn’t find his affairs extremely painful. Her own feelings of inadequacy must have made the pain even more acute, and helped to stifle her voice on the subject - she was as keenly aware of what she saw as her own flaws as she was forgiving of them in others. Having a dashing public celebrity of a husband while feeling yourself not equal to him, and to even be afraid of expressing your love for him too fervently lest it alienate him (as she feared after he returned from America), along with social convention and her concept of duty, must have made it extremely difficult to express what she really felt about this situation. She was also a very devout Catholic in a time where the Church counseled wives with unfaithful husbands to forgive them for the sake of the family unit.  If there is one thing virtually all their contemporaries agreed on, however, it is that Adrienne was an absolutely extraordinary person, at the very least as exceptional as her husband, if not more so. She strongly impressed characters as diverse as Charles Fox, Napoleon and Frances Burney. Lafayette’s admiration for her grew over their years of their life together, and the maturity and profundity of his love for her deepened with their shared experiences, their trials, and with his recognition of her remarkable heroism.  While we can’t know the real truth of her feelings, Adrienne seems to have genuinely liked Adélaïde, who was a charming, warm-hearted person. She discussed even her medical ailments with her, and on her deathbed, Adrienne is said to have told Gilbert to "Give mille tendresses to Madame de Simiane.” 

[davidkeane17]

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[gogmstuff]

Lady in a silver dress by the circle of Sir Peter Lely (Dreweatts - 26May22 auction Lot 29). From invaluable.com-auction-lot-circle-of-sir-peter-lely-british-1618-1680-portra-c-68e4df7b01 2726X3505 @150 1.6Mj. Removed spots with Photoshop.

ca. 1665 Anne, Philadelphia, and Thomas Wharton attributed to Joan Carlile (Dreawatts 26May22 auction Lot 35). Removed navigation marks & spots w P'shop 3876X3434 @150 2.8Mj.

"1690" Called Pauline de Grignan, Marquise de Simiane en Diane chasseresse attributed to Jean Nocret (location ?). From tumblr.com/blog/view/hildegardavon/681437354612948992; enlarged to fit screen 1178X1400 @72 578kj.

[pitt-able]

The Marquis de La Fayette on William Pitt

During all his life Pitt left England exactly once to travel to the continent were he visited different places in France with a few of his friends and Paris was one of the stops on their route. In October of 1783, Pitt was already Chancellor of the Exchequer but he would not become Prime Minister prior to December of 1783. Nevertheless, his name was to be recognised. During their stay in Paris, the Englishmen attended on of the “American-Dinners” of the Marquise and Marquis de La Fayette. The next day, La Fayette wrote about the Dinner in a letter to the Marquise de Simiane:

Paris, Tuesday morning October 21, 1783

... My dinner yesterday was a great success, Mr. Pitt had the support of five Englishmen, and there were a dozen rebels including the ladies. After talking a bit about public affairs, Mr. Pitt left for London and left me very satisfied with his intellect, his modesty, his nobility, and a character as interesting as the role for which his position destines him. The attack in Parliament prevents him from coming to Paris, and he claims that as long as England remains a monarchy, one can scarcely expect to see me in London. Despite this joking, I would really like to go there someday. I shall pay little court to the king. I shall be saved by the Opposition. Since we won the match, I admit I take extreme pleasure in seeing the British. The humiliation of the war before last and their insolence during peacetime gave me a feeling of aversion toward them that only grew with the horrors with which they defiled America, and the association of their name with the word "tyranny" became unpleasantly habitual to my ears. But now I see them with pleasure, and whether as a Frenchman or as an American soldier or even as a private individual I find myself without embarrassment in the midst of this proud nation. My conversion, however, is not so complete that on all occasions I do not do them what harm I can. Though I am not so fatuous as to treat them as personal enemies, it is enough for me that they are enemies of the glory and prosperity of France, for in the matter of patriotism I can shock the public, as it is said I have done in the matter of sensibility.

Lafayette

(As a short note, the letter was first published in La Fayette’s Memoirs as being send to an unknown recipient in October 1783. The date had been more precisely narrowed down by circumstances surrounding the letter and many of La Fayette’s letters to “unknown recipients” were much later attributed to Diane de Simiane.)

The day prior, La Fayette hat written Benjamin Franklin, who was in Paris at the time, to invite him as well:

Paris Monday Morning [October 20, 1783]

My dear Sir

The famous William Pitt is just Arrived in Paris, and is just Returning to London— He Has Expressed a warm desire to Get Acquainted with You, and As I Hoped You would Come to day to the American dinner, I Have invited Him together with Lord Camden’s, duke of Grafton’s Sons, and two other of His friends—it is Possible You will be Glad to know a Young Man Whose Abilities and Circumstances are So Uncommon— So that, Unless the Going Very Gently in a Carriage Hurts you, You will do me an extreme pleasure to dine with us, as You are the Center Upon Which Moves the Whole Party— Butt I would not Have You do Yourself Any Harm on that Account—Most Respectfully and Affectionately Yours

Lafayette

Thanks to La Fayette’s, Franklin’s and William Wilberforce’s records (he was one of the aforementioned friends of Pitt) we know that there have been 18 guest in total. 12 of these guests can be identified as:

The Marquise de La Fayette

The Marquis de La Fayette

Benjamin Franklin

William Temple Franklin

The vicomte de Noailles

The comtesse de Boufflers

Lewis Littlepage

William Pitt the Younger

William Wilberforce

George Henry Fitzroy (future fourth Duke of Grafton)

John Jeffreys Pratt (future second Earl and first Marquess Camden)

Edward James Eliot

Thanks to Wilberforce and his diary we also know that the main discussion topic of the evening were the freeing of the Spanish colonies. Sadly, I could not find an account by Pitt of the afternoon but his private papers are quite hard to come by anyway.

[marquislaffytaffy]

Marquis de Lafayette’s mistress. Portraitist Vigée-Lebrun noted in her diary: “M. de La Fayette came to my house for the sole purpose of seeing a portrait I was painting of the pretty Mme de Simiane, whom they say he was taking care of at the time...”

[galleryofunknowns]

From Christies:

Petite-nièce par alliance et héritière d'Émilie du Châtelet, Diane Adélaïde de Damas (1761-1835) épousa en 1777 Charles François de Simiane. Ce dernier devait perdre la vie en 1787, au cours d'un étrange accident de chasse qui masquait vraisemblablement un suicide lié à l'affection notable de son épouse pour un autre homme, le jeune marquis de La Fayette. Plus encore que par sa parenté avec Émilie du Châtelet, c'est en effet par la relation amoureuse qu'elle entretint avec La Fayette que Diane Adélaïde de Simiane est restée dans les mémoires. Réputée pour sa beauté ("l'un des ornements de la Cour de France", dit d'elle Espinchal) et son grand coeur plus que pour son esprit (selon le comte de Beugnot : "On souhaitait si fort qu'elle eût encore de l'esprit, qu'il fallait bien lui en trouver un peu; mais elle était Damas en son nom, et tous les Damas que j'ai connus [...] avaient le coeur excellent et l'esprit fort étroit"), Diane Adélaïde fut, selon Condorcet, à l'origine de l'engagement du jeune marquis dans la guerre d'indépendance américaine; un fait qui paraît cependant peu plausible, La Fayette ayant lui-même affirmé qu'il ne l'avait rencontrée qu'à son retour... Traditionnellement donné au peintre François André Vincent (1746-1816), une attribution qui ne peut malheureusement être maintenue, ce portrait date selon toute vraisemblance des dernières années du XVIIIe siècle ou du tout début du XIXe siècle, comme l'indiquent la tenue de Diane Adélaïde et la simplicité de sa pose. L'identité de son auteur reste à ce jour mystérieuse et les noms qui ont circulé à son sujet, d'Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun (qui avait déjà portraituré la toute jeune femme vingt ans auparavant) à François Xavier Fabre, de Laneuville à Desoria, ne convainquent pas, malgré la grande qualité de sa facture. Reste troublante la relative jeunesse du modèle représenté. Diane Adélaïde, aux alentours des années 1800, avait déjà 39 ans... (x)

And translated (roughly - by Google - with some edits for clarity):

Grand-niece by marriage and heiress of Émilie du Châtelet, Diane Adélaïde de Damas (1761-1835) married Charles François de Simiane in 1777. The latter was to lose his life in 1787, during a strange hunting accident that presumably masked a suicide linked to the notable affection of his wife for another man, the young Marquis de La Fayette. Even more so than her relationship with Émilie du Châtelet, it is indeed through the love relationship she maintained with La Fayette that Diane Adélaïde Simiane is remembered today.

Renowned for her beauty ("one of the ornaments of the Court of France", says Espinchal* of her) and her big heart more than her spirit (according to the count of Beugnot*: "One wished so much that it had still of the spirit, that it was necessary to find him a little, but it was Damas in her name, and all the Damas that I knew [...] had the heart excellent and the spirit very narrow "). Diana Adelaide was, according to Condorcet*, the origin of the young Marquis's engagement in the American war of independence; a fact which seems however implausible, La Fayette having himself affirmed that they had met only on his return.

Traditionally attributed to the painter François André Vincent (1746-1816), an attribution which can not unfortunately to be maintained, this portrait probably dates from the last years of the eighteenth century or from the very beginning of the nineteenth century, as indicated by the dress of Diane Adelaide and the simplicity of her pose. The identity of its author remains mysterious and the names that circulated about him, from Elizabeth Vigée-Lebrun (who had already portrayed the youngest woman twenty years ago) to François Xavier Fabre, from Laneuville to Desoria, do not convince, despite the high quality of its bill. Diane Adelaide, around 1800, was 39 years old.

*referring to Joseph Thomas Anne, comte d’Espinchal (1748-1823)

*referring to Jacques Claude, comte d’Beugnot (1761-1835)

*referring to Marie Nicolas de Caritat, Marquise de Concordet (1743-1794)

ab. 1800 Unknown artist - Portrait of Diane Adélaïde de Simiane

[nordleuchten]

Hello! I hope you’er enjoying a wonderful bay😊I need your help on something.

Recently I’ve been trying to do some research about Adrienne and her family(mostly the Noailles) and the first thing I did was look into her memoir. And I came across a statement that Adrienne’s sister (Pauline) also had her own memoirs. So being interested, I looked up every were for that memoirs but couldn’t find anything…

Do you happen to know any information about this memoirs?

Hello @gg-20,

thank you, I had a most fantastic day and I hope you had as well.

Yes, Adrienne's sister Pauline wrote her own Memoirs and they are really worth reading. She herself lived a pretty interesting and moving live. But her Memoirs also give an insight into hers and Adrienne’s childhood, the time she spend with her sister Adrienne and members of the Noailles-La Fayette family in exile in Danish-Holstein, the marriage of her niece Anastasie (Adrienne's and La Fayette’s oldest daughter) and into the relationship the La Fayette’s had with Diane de Simiane ... there are many great aspects to the book. The only problem is, as you yourself already realized; Pauline's Memoirs are very hard to come-by. I actually have a copy of the book, but it is a German translation. Beside the German translation I have, there is also a second edition of the French original out there. As far as I can see, there are some aspects from other family members added to that version but I have never read this second edition in full.

I hope that you are comfortable enough with either French or German so that one of the books might help you. Should that not be the case, I would offer to translate passages of interest for you. :-)

[marq-de-laf]

How many women did Lafayette have an affair with after her was married to Adrianne

In all of my reading, so far there are two significant instances where Lafayette maintained overt affairs with other women while married to Adrienne de Noailles. There are instances where he paid particular attention to an innkeeper’s daughter or the women of the homes he stayed in during his time in America, but it was never anything more than conversation at the dinner table or a smile or two. 

Aglaé, Comtesse de Hunolstein: His first offense started off sort of humorously. Before Lafayette left for America, he became infatuated with Aglae, a young beauty and a known charmer in the courts. A good friend of Lafayette’s, the Comte de Segur, was startled one night to find the Marquis at his doorstep, outraged because he had heard that Segur was harboring feelings for Aglae. Lafayette immediately began trying to provoke Segur into a duel. Remember…Lafayette was newly married at this point. He had no business involving himself with another woman, especially to the extent of a duel. But for whatever reason, he could not get Aglae out of his head. It took Segur three hours to talk Lafayette down and to convince his friend that he was not interested in the Comtesse. Aglae, by the way, had no feelings for Lafayette and had zero idea that any of this happened. By the time Lafayette returned from his heroics in America, however, his fame made her take notice. They began an affair…one that Aglae and Adrienne’s parents were outraged over. While her husband seemed indifferent to the goings on between the two, the romance was doomed from the beginning. They both fought constantly. Each time, the Comtesse would declare that she was through with the Marquis. Each time he refused to believe it. This went on for a little over a year, until the wild, shameful gossip made Aglae a stranger to the court. After a little soul-searching, Lafayette finally relented and did not see her again, but he was not happy about it. In his final letter to her during the affair, he insisted despite the fact that they would not be together again, nothing she could do would stop him from adoring her. Aglae soon abandoned her shunned position in society and joined a convent. Adrienne–one of her daughters later wrote–had kept largely silent for fear that she would embarrass him with an uncontrollable display of anger. Once again, Adrienne is a saint.

Diane de Simiane: This second affair lasted for over 30 years off and on. Diane was married to a homosexual man named Charles-Francois de Simiane. Because of this, Diane sought satisfaction outside of her marital bed and carried on with several different men…one of whom was the Marquis de Lafayette. For whatever reason, Adrienne was highly tolerant of the whole thing. She even suggested that her children call the other woman ‘Aunt Diane.’ Diane was well-read and, once again, very pretty. After her husband was shot in what the authorities determined a ‘hunting accident,’ many in society suspected that Charles-Francois had committed suicide, for despite his own sexual preference, he was by all accounts still very jealous of his wife’s lovers. This cooled the romantic relationship between Diane and Lafayette and afterwards, the Marquis was loathe to talk about the incident, saying that he did not believe the man had killed himself over the affair. Still, the two remained friends and Diane maintained a close relationship with the entire Lafayette family. Despite all of this, one commentator in France described Lafayette as a ‘model husband’ after his death. 

[marq-de-laf]

#also he was a big bag of dicks #like he was s u c h a dick to his wife #she was his cousin too so fjfjhfuhd #and he got sent to prison in Australia #and she got herself sent too just to be with him #and she got lead poisoning from the water #and died #and her last words were something like i love you and ill always be yours #because she loved him s o much and still after he cheated on her #he was just a huge dick to her #and probably slept with washington just sayin

Hello, @tacticalbrilliance! I noticed your tags and I thought I’d clarify a few things. 

While it’s true that Lafayette did not initially make his marriage or his wife a priority, several factors should be taken into account to understand why. This is not to condone his behavior. I present these facts with the hope that they will shed some light on his motivations, which–in my opinion–were not intentionally harmful.

Lafayette and Adrienne’s marriage was not a union of love, but an arrangement. Adrienne fell in love with Lafayette from a distance before their marriage and had no idea that she was secretly engaged to him. Lafayette’s family and the members of the Noailles household found the marriage agreeable for the financial and noble achievement the union would bring. While Adrienne’s mother worked to foster her daughter’s feelings for Lafayette before the wedding, the Marquis’ guardians treated it as a business transaction. 

Lafayette was 16 and Adrienne was 14 when they married. Both families saw to the arrangement with very little direct input from Lafayette and without Adrienne’s knowledge entirely. Adding to that fact, Adrienne and Lafayette were not allowed to consummate their marriage for over a year per Adrienne’s mother’s wishes. Eventually, Lafayette broke that rule by sneaking into her room late one night when the two knew her mother would be sleeping. By all accounts, both kiddos were pretty happy when that restriction came to an end.

Lafayette saw the world in rose-colored glasses. By that, I mean that he constantly idealized everything in his life and whatever stirred his immediate zeal, he flung himself at headlong. He wasn’t known for his wisdom. Instead, we remember him for his enthusiasm, passion, and optimism. Because of this, when he involved himself with other women, it was by no means at the expense of his wife in his own mind. During his stay in America, he constantly sent Adrienne letters hoping to reaffirm his love for her in the hopes that she might not hate him when he came back to France. He sowed a few wild oats; it’s true. But he did not do it with the intention of hurting Adrienne in any way.

Affairs were not only commonplace in France during Lafayette’s day, they were expected. This does not change our modern perception of promiscuity and does not excuse his behavior. It was, however, extremely common for those raised in the circles of nobility and for couples that came out of arranged marriages to have lovers outside of the home. During his stay in America, there is no evidence to suggest that Lafayette ever engaged with anyone sexually or romantically. In France, there are two known women that he pursued rather openly. Adrienne presumably knew about at least one of them without comment. Again, this does not give the Marquis a free pass. It’s simply a fact. As an aside, the concept of marrying for love really came to a head in the Victorian era long after our favorite Frenchman had passed away. Marriage was practical–and love was learned.

One of Lafayette’s affairs ended in a possible suicide. Diane de Simiane–considered by many to be the most beautiful woman in France–carried on a love affair with the Marquis de Lafayette after he returned from the American War for Independence. Her husband, Charles-Francois de Simiane, is believed to have been a known homosexual. Despite his personal preferences, he often became jealous of the attention his wife received outside of their marital bed and this included Lafayette’s doting. Charles-Francois died in 1787 due to what was deemed an accidental hunting incident, but wagging tongues pointed to Lafayette’s affair with his wife as a possible cause for suicide instead. Speculation continues to this day. Regardless, Lafayette did not believe his actions caused the man to want to take his own life and would not discuss the matter after. His thoughts aside, his relationship with M’me de Simiane did not continue. 

Lafayette grew to love his wife dearly. During the tumultuous time of the French Revolution, Lafayette’s imprisonment in Austria, his exile, and his eventual return to France, the Lafayette family became a tightly knit unit. Adrienne’s sacrificial decision to stay with her husband in what was literally a dungeon strengthened their bond immeasurably. Once they were released, the family and extended family lived together. Lafayette lost his wandering eye. Adrienne wholly claimed his heart. He was away when she fell terminally ill and rushed back home to her immediately. He did not leave her side and was with Adrienne when she passed of lead poisoning on Christmas Eve (her son’s birthday) 1807. His letter to a close friend after her passing is devastating. He speaks of his ‘angelic and incomparable woman’ and goes on for paragraphs about what she meant to him.  “Until this moment you have always found me stronger than the circum- stances of my life: today the circumstances are stronger than I am. I shall never rise above them.”  Her last words to him had been, Je sous toute à vous“ (I am all yours). During his final moments, he kept an image of her in his hands and kissed it before losing consciousness. He was a man who, despite his failings in the past, loved the beloved wife of his youth and she was a devoted woman who loved him since the age of 14 and did anything in her power to protect him, his children, his reputation…everything she could. 

And finally, Lafayette did sleep with Washington: they were once found beneath a tree bundled up together under Washington’s cloak, snoozing after the horrendous mess that was the Battle of Monmouth. There was nothing sexual between the Marquis de Lafayette and George Washington, but they did love each other deeply and shared a unique, lasting bond. It was, and remains, one of the most unexpected and heartwarming father/son relationships in American history. Read their letters if you want a real case of the warm and fuzzies. It’s incredibly moving and genuine papa-to-son, son-to-papa stuff.

[marq-de-laf]

Hiya! Do you know if Lafayette had any affairs/romantic interests either BEFORE Adrienne or AFTER she died? Overly curious about his love life 😅

Hello! I’m on vacation now and don’t have my research handy. BUT...from what I can remember...before marriage, Lafayette played the part of a typical young French nobleman--largely due to the influence of his brother-in-law, the Vicomte de Noailles. The young Vicomte was a known carouser and teenage Laf both idolized and competed with him in almost everything...and that included trying to get the attention of the ladies. It was a friendly rivalry and the two were fairly close. Lafayette, however, was not very successful with the opposite sex before his stay in America. Many people thought he was plain and unattractive. Everyone thought he was awkward and clumsy. Because of that, I can’t remember any serious attachments he had before his marriage to Adrienne.

After Adrienne passed, the reality of just how wonderful his wife had been hit Lafayette hard. He tended to be extremely one-track minded throughout most of his career and this caused his priorities to stay somewhat separate from his home life. It really was a ‘you-never-know-what-you-have-until-it’s-gone’ scenario. Although he maintained a plantonic relationship with his ex-mistress, Diane de Simiane, Lafayette focused more on his family, his farming, and France after Adrienne’s death than women.

[history-of-fashion]

ab. 1800 Unknown artist - Portrait of Diane Adélaïde de Simiane

(Private collection via Christie’s)